Getting started...over and over again

My goal is fitness and health, and to remain somewhat sane while achieving both.

I've been on a weight loss/healthy living/trying to fit into last years jeans kick for as long as I can remember. I've done every diet from Weight Watchers to Nutrisystem. I've counted calories, I've gone vegetarian. I've even gone so far as to spend $30.00 on a book about what I should eat for my blood type. Always in some search of a cure all. of some magic food or drink or pill that would make me wake up 5'8 and 125 pounds. Well I'm still 5'4, and 125 pounds may very well never happen, BUT my attitude about everything most definitely has. I've decided to start blogging after some suggestions and encouragement from my friends, who have seen how hard I have worked, and how much I have put into working towards my goals of fitness... and being able to wear shorts in public without scaring small children.

So this is where I will write about my struggles, my accomplishments and my cravings. It may never reach anyone, it may be boring as hell and get snubbed by "real" fitness folks, but it's mine, and I'm going to do my best to keep up with it. Best case scenario, it helps keep me motivated to continue on my path and possibly motivates someone else, worst case, I blog for 3 days and then decide I'm not that interesting. :]

Here's a little back story. I moved to Nashville to become a singer. I love music, I love performance, I've been told I have the personality and stage presence for the music biz...BUT and believe me...there was always a BUT... I would need to focus on my "size". I've always struggled with weight, well it isn't the weight I struggled with, I gained it pretty easily, it's the not eating myself into a coma that proved to be pretty difficult. I'm an emotional eater. what emotion, you ask? all of them. when I was happy... I'd celebrate with food, when I was sad...I'd cry into a bag of chips. When I was angry, I'd take it out on a box of mac and cheese. All of these things left me feeling awesome for 3.5 seconds until I'd freak out, hop on the scale, and then decide (on a tuesday) that since I had blown my "diet" I'd have to eat like a mad woman until monday...because DUH... you can only start a diet on a MONDAY! It's way easier to procrastinate than to self motivate.

Once I got the "your weight is keeping you from your dreams" speech, I decided to do something about it. First thing was first. Gluten. I have epilepsy (we'll save that for another blog) but the long and the short of it is, I shouldn't be eating gluten anyway, not just because it is bad for you, but because it's REALLY bad for you if you have seizures. so I stopped eating it. I'd love to say it was that easy, but it was more of a gradual process, cut out bread one week, cut out pasta the next week, and then...bye bye beer. It wasn't easy, but I made the commitment. I also decided to take the weight loss slow. it wasn't coming off in a week so there was no way I was going to stick with it if I starved myself of everything or anything for that matter. I'd give up. I know me too well.

The next step was getting in the gym. I HATE and let me emphasize, HATE  working out. I used to try and run, I've never been a runner, I have a terrible stride and I've found that if there isn't something chasing me, there isn't much point to the activity. I AM NOT knocking anyone that has the will power, stamina and ability to run. I actually envy you. It just isn't for me. So the next best thing was circuit training. I started working with John Holley at Lean Fitness in Nashville. He is and will always be one of the biggest steps in the right direction for my weight loss. When I started with John, I was nearly 185  pounds. Every workout was a struggle, things that shouldn't have been so difficult for me where the most challenging things I have ever done. jumping jacks, squats, sort of jogging on a treadmill. His patience and positive energy were exactly what I needed. Granted, I still hated working out, but John made it more enjoyable than any other trainer I had worked with in the past, mostly because the man REALLY knows what he is talking about. I started to lose weight, and then I started to venture out and try new work out methods. John suggested Hot Yoga...which I actually fell in love with off the bat. If you don't like heat, it's not for you. if you don't like quiet, it's definitely not for you, where my problems started creeping in were, I wasn't 13 pounds, and it's a little intimidating when you stand beside a woman who has her leg wrapped around her neck, while hardly breaking a sweat in her 90$ yoga pants that she just so happens to look super hot in, meanwhile I am two heart beats away from needing medical assistance and looking like I have just been rode hard and hung up wet. (lovely saying, isn't it?!)

I know I know... don't compare yourself to other people. Here is what I think about that. There are two kinds of people. The ones that compare themselves to other people, and the ones that lie about it. Guess which one I am. :]

So after the Hot Yoga era, I decided maybe I needed to be in an environment where I could challenge myself, and see if working out was something I could do on my own, without having someone watch me every second to make sure I was working hard enough. By this point, I was completely gluten free AND dairy free (the dairy was a super tough one, I actually had to be hypnotized... we'll save that for another day) My next venture, Insanity. Beach body has  quite a few really great videos out there. I tried p90x. although I appreciated how hard it was, and that it was so structured, it just wasn't my thing. I had never really lifted weights or done pull-ups, which was a huge chunk of the workouts, so I didn't think I was getting the best workout I could get. I did Turbo fire, but my self esteem couldn't take it. after watching all of those women bounce around and not jiggle an ounce, I didn't find myself motivated, I found myself disgusted with what was happening every time I high kicked and saw what happened to my legs. it was, pretty gross. So Insanity it was. I liked the fact that you work hard from the gate, you stop when you need to, and you KNOW you are getting a good workout...because you're sweating buckets and nearly crying. I think the thing that kept me motivated throughout doing the insanity program was the fact that in the video, they all struggle, everyone is sweating and praying and struggling...and I need that sort of camaraderie. By the time I was done with 2 cycles of insanity, I was weighing in at about 155 pounds. I was feeling good and wanting to push harder and see more results. I think after you do a workout like insanity, and then you repeat it, two things happen. You're body gets used to doing those same moves...and you get a little bored. That might be a bit too much of a generalization, but that's at least what happened for me. So after hearing my husband sing the praises of CrossFit, I thought, ehhh why not. I could try that. I mean, how hard can it be...right?

I did the research and found a box (that's what they call a CrossFit gym. trendy, huh?!) near me. I went to my very first training class at CrossFit Hermitage and there was just something different about the place. There was a feeling in the air, (not to get too cheesy) a feeling of hard work and accomplishment, motivation and drive...and I knew I wanted to be a part of it. Not to mention the trainers there. Brandi and Tom have such a great knowledge not only of working out, but of nutrition and motivation, and that makes a huge difference! after being on with CrossFit for about a month I decided to switch to a Paleo lifestyle. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's eating pretty much like the cavemen did. If it has a face, you can eat it. leafy vegetables and fruits (within moderation...sugar is still sugar) are okay, but kiss the dairy, wheat,oats, grains, beans, corn and potatoes goodbye. luckily, I was already gluten and dairy free, so I just had to lose the rice,beans, corn and potatoes. it was a struggle, but at that point, you start to see that the better you feed your body, the better you operate, and believe me, when it comes to CrossFit...you want to operate at your highest potential. (Google Paleo diet to get more details if you are interested, it works, and you get to have bacon...everyone wins!)

The best way I can think to sum up a CrossFit workout is this; you sweat, you learn, you push, you pray, you push harder, and then when it is all said and done, you are amazed at what you have just accomplished. Now don't get me wrong, I am sure CrossFit isn't for everyone. All I know is, it's the only workout I have ever looked forward to. I go 5 days a week, and the changes I have seen in my body, in my performance, and in my attitude towards food has changed so much that it surprises even me. I'm stronger, I'm faster, I'm smaller...and I am continuously moving forward on my fitness journey, to become a better me.

Today I weight 137 pounds. I've gone from a size 33 or 34 to a size 27 or 28. I'm not done, but I don't think I will ever be. Being done would mean I could quite, and I want to do this as long as I possibly can. I just know I am stronger and a better version of myself physically and my music, which is my ultimate goal, won't ever be slowed down by what's on the scale again.