My Neck...My Back...

It's been more than 6 months since I blogged.  I should feel a tad bit guilty, but I don't. I've been knee deep in album tracks, figuring out what it's like to be a newlywed, and crossfit, that I just haven't had the time to sit and commit to something that I was going to post for the world. I tend to ramble, so I wanted to wait until I had something a tad more specific to talk about. So I'm going to talk about my stupid back. Yes, my stupid, dumb, jerk-faced back.

You see things had been going really well for me at Crossfit, I was super stoked that I was seeing big changes.  Higher 1 Rep maxes, faster times, less gasping for life and praying for salvation, slimming down and getting stronger, things were on track. Naturally, what goes up must come down (cue violins) and on Thanksgiving break I injured my back during a workout while I was out of town. (It's a long story, no-ones fault. different programming and such.) I was in a whole lot of pain. I was doubled over and living on a heating pad. Then my neck started acting up because I was compensating my weight on the right side of my body to avoid pain in the left side of my body. It was lovely. I ended up missing about 3.5 weeks of Crossfit, once I got back home from vacation. This started my vicious cycle of trying to rest, beating myself up for resting, weighing every 12 seconds, and checking every mirror within a 58 miles radius to make sure I didn't somehow gain all my weight back over night. 

I find it exhausting how much I fear (probably quite irrationally) waking up and being right back where I started. 60 pounds ago could very well be my worst nightmare. I was stressed about gaining weight, so naturally, I ate. Food is my best worst enemy. I am either using it 100% as sustenance or 100% as comfort. No Middle ground, no gray area. So when I could no longer work my stress out in the gym, I worked it out in the kitchen.

Ok, ok, let me stop you there. Don't get this image of me sitting crossed legged in my kitchen crying into a bag of Lay's. It wasn't that extreme. I struggled with NOT going back to my old tendencies of counting calories and borderline starving to death to make sure I didn't gain an ounce. So in the grand scheme of things, I'm glad that I'm not in that place anymore, where I think no food is the answer. However, I ate a half a chicken one day. That's right, I'm telling the world. I ate half a dag-on chicken. I was stress eating, it was there, and I validated it by saying that I was eating paleo and it wasn't that bad. I regretted this decision 30 minutes later when I was in a poultry coma on my couch and useless for the rest of the evening. I did splurge some throughout my Crossfit Hermitage hiatus. Whoever made Maple bacon kettle chips should be given a medal then slapped with it.(See, I told you they weren't Lay's) Thankfully though, I made it through, only about 2 pounds heavier. Not too shabby for nearly 25 days of netflix and Tiger Balm.

My back is better, with virtually no pain, and I'm back at the box for 3-4 days a week.(Lynne Pool is a magician of a massage therapist. look her up) So now I'm at the beginning of my next journey. Getting back to 90% Paleo, getting back to my CFH family 5 days a week, and back to the confidence I need to get those damned pull-ups! Let's do this.